books, language, proofs, writing
Intermedia Writing Systems, revised 3rd edition
Intermedia Writing Systems, revised 3rd edition is a textbook I wrote for a theoretical class at a hypothetical school. It was staple bound and printed as a zine that I distributed to various shops. Here is a beast fable from the book:
The Platypus and the Chimaera
Once upon a time there was a platypus who, boasting how he was more unique than anyone else, was forever teasing chimaera for it being supernatural. Then one day, the irate chimaera answered back: “Who do you think you are? There’s no denying you’re real, but even you are uncanny!” The platypus squealed with laughter. “I’m thought of as uncanny? By whom? Not you, surely! I bet there’s nobody in the world that can prove I’m not real. Now, why don’t you try?”
Annoyed by such bragging, the chimaera accepted the challenge. It was planned, and the next day at dawn they stood. The platypus yawned sleepily as the meek chimaera trudged slowly off. When the platypus saw how painfully slow his rival was, he decided, half asleep on his feet, to have a quick nap. “Take your time!” he said. “I’ll have forty winks and catch up with you in a minute.”
The platypus woke with a start from a fitful sleep and gazed round, looking for the chimaera. But the creature was only a short distance away, having barely covered a third of the course. Breathing a sigh of relief, the platypus decided he might as well have breakfast too, and off he went to munch some yabbies he had noticed. But the heavy meal and the hot sun made his eyelids droop. With a careless glance at the chimaera, now halfway along the course, he decided to have another snooze before flashing past the winning post. And smiling at the thought of the look on the chimaera’s face when it saw the platypus speed by, he fell fast asleep and was soon snoring happily.
The sun started to sink, below the horizon, and the chimaera, who had been becoming more real since morning, was scarcely a yard from the finish. At that very point, the platypus woke with a jolt. He could see the chimaera a speck in the distance and away he dashed. He leapt and bounded at a great rate, his tongue lolling, and gasping for breath. Just a little more and he’d be first at the finish. But the platypus’s last leap was just too late, for the chimaera had beaten him to the winning post. Poor platypus! Tired and in disgrace, he slumped down beside the chimaera who was silently smiling at him.
“Ick bün all dor!” he said.